i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
