4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Whod you bang
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
