your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
