I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
