honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
