im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
