Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
