I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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