he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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