yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
