Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
