um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
