can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
