At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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