Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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