I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
