ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
