just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
