How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
