she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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