Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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