Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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