let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize