I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
