no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
