I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
