Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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