I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
