Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
