Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
