I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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