u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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