Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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