I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
