Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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