My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
