I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
