so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
