I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whose ass print is on the piano?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
