I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
