Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
