Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He passed out mid-signature
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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