forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
