By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So many bounce houses so little time
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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