LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
