the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
