Yo dont text me then not text me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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