And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
