i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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