How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
