K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
