Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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