Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
