I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
