no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
