ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
