you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
