There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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