know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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