Jerry, you need to find god
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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