I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize