Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
